One of the First Early Transformative Experiences
Today I went walking in the Mastihito Trails early in the morning moonlight and - and I encountered God. How can I explain the indescribable? I felt as if I were a filter and a powerful wind came and passed through me ... I don’t recall exactly when it started, but at some point I began to experience a flow of knowledge and insight from what seemed like an all knowing Source and it filled my mind and body to overflowing. I could hardly believe what was happening to me! Eventually the experience became so intense that the wisdom I was recieving (and could not retain) no longer seemed important and I was simply filled with incredible JOY! I began laughing and laughing like a beloved whose lover kisses her with such unceasing passion that she breaks away, gasping for air and laughing for joy at the same time! I felt so aware and full of love - so connected to life all around me. Gratitude just poured forth from my heart.
Then I saw an image in my mind that brought me to tears of joy. In this image I saw myself driving alone for what seemed like forever in a barren wilderness, lost and afraid. Ilong for another human voice to comfort me, to assure me that I'm headed somewhere - getting closer to something... I click on the radio and turn the knob, desperate to hear something besides the all too familiar static. I search and search, my determination slowly giving way to despair. Then, just as I'm about to give up all hope, the meaningless noise gives way to a mysterious silence. I freeze. Suddenly, to my great JOY, a voice comes through - and it is not just any voice, but a wonderful, loving voice that knows who I am, where I am and desires to answer all the questions in my heart! Now I know that I am not lost, that I have nothing to fear and, most important of all, that I am not alone! I never was. I was only asleep, dreaming, and now I have awakened. Thank you God!
A Winter Experience
This morning my experience of ecstasy began with the sound of snow crystals. As I walked along the trails, little daggers of icy snow flew from my boots onto the exquisitely designed ice windows formed over the ruts in the path. I noticed the delicate sound and stopped. Then I began to experiment. Without words to define my experience, I listened, looked, touched, smelled and even tasted the world about me... I allowed myself to experience God in a new way. I didn't try to describe, explain or understand - just experience... Then my heart seemed to open and I knew myself to be in all things. At one point, birds from everywhere seemed to come to be with me and when they sang it felt as if it were my own voice.
All I could do was stand silently watching the sun rise through the trees and gradually move across the sky. I don't know how I was able to watch it, but as I did so, I saw circles of color form around it - first blue and purple, then red and orange, and finally yellow. Then a sparkeling, intricate web of light surrounded the sun and extended into a tunnel that led from it to me... Finally, the sun appeared as the “eye of God” with a dark purple iris moving about at the center and I watched it "seeing" me... It was all very spectacular. I didn't want to ever move from that spot and stood there in absolute joy a long, long time... ... and then God spoke to me, but who would believe that...
I don't know if a baby just born cries out in fear or joy, but this morning on the trails I fell to my knees, bent over, clasped my hands and with eyes closed tight, I sobbed for joy. Eventually, after I caught my breath, I raised my head, reached up to the heavens and staring into the beautiful blueness of the sky, began to sob again. But these tears were tears of absolute joy and they soon turned into hearty, happy laughter. I felt intoxicated with the love of God.
The Physical Experience:
After I left the trails and was walking home along the streets, I continued to grin from ear to ear. My body was tingeling all over and my hands were shaking. Incredibly happy and lightheaded, I found myself staggering at times as if I were drunk. Once home, I greeted the pets with a song and dropped my coat and hat to the floor. I found Jamie (my Daughter) in the livingroom and dropped into a chair opposite her. I didn't know how to answer her question about what was going on. She seemed a little scared. I was so filled with joy, I couldn't speak at first. Finally I began to try and describe my experience... As I talked, I laughed and I cried. Tears of Joy kept streaming down my cheeks as I stared up at the ceiling. Physically my experience was focused around my eyes, forehead, temples and the top of my head where there seemed a "cresent radiating" at the center. My ears were also ringing. I felt incredibly thankful for all the people in my life that had provided me with the opportunity to grow.
Feelings About That Time
Each morning that I wake has come to feel like Christmas morning! When I open my eyes at 5:30 or 6 I can hardly wait to get started. I have no doubt there will be new and wondorous experiences that, like magical presents beneath a Christmas tree, are waiting in silence to be revealed. Hastily I bundle up, anticipating the exquisite pleasure and joy that have become the norm on my winter walks in the woods. Sometimes these are wild and ecstatic, and at other times, peaceful and expansive. Both have forever changed my life. It’s hard to explain what has happened to me... Words fail to describe what my rational brain simply cannot grasp. However, the felt experiences, the wordless understandings, these are etched in the depths of my soul... In some strange way, it’s as if they’ve always been there hidden. I guess all I’m doing now is scratching through the surface barrier, breaking through the illusions I had thought to be true to a new way of perceiving! And I must say, this process of waking up is delicious!!
Memorial Day Sunday Experience
I was at the front of the church sitting in choir, looking out over the congregation. Nothing especially inspiring was going on – at least nothing that would trigger an ecstatic experience. The service was very somber with people coming up and lighting candles for those who had died the year before. I wasn't thinking of anything in particular when a strange feeling began to grow – and grow! I began to feel so light I thought I was going to start floating off my seat! And not only that, but I felt as if I were radiating light and thought surely people must be able to see me glowing! Filled with an overwhelming experience of peace and love and joy, I didn't know what to do! It was so totally bizarre… I could even feel my chest extending about a foot in front of where my body should have stopped. My only desire was to pour out love onto every person there. I almost got up and left church because I didn't want to disrupt the service… I was feeling such love, such amazing love, and I felt I was going to cry. I was actually afraid I was going to go out and begin embracing people...
I experienced no emotional neediness - no need for approval, or acceptence, or anything from anyone! Nor did I have a need for anyone to change a single thing about themselves. Every person there appeared incredibly worthy and wonderful... There was the librel and the conservative, the sweet and the crabby, the serious and the silly, the educated and the uneducated, and they were all perfect just the way they were! I don't recall all the details of my experience, but I know it was so huge, so incredibly extreme, I just didn't know what to do. (At one point I did look to the woman sitting next to me and say 'I am having a really good day!) It lasted throughout the service (and into the coffee hr.) and while everyone else was being so very serious, I sat there unable to stop grinning from ear to ear! The joy was almost unbearable!!
A Mystical Exp. In Ashland
I had just bought the CWG book 1 on CD and had decided to listen to some of it. Not knowing what was on which CD, I just picked the 5th one at random and laid down on the bed. I fell asleep, but about 3/4 of the way through I was jolted wide awake! I don’t think my eyes were open, but I was extremely alert and conscious and felt as if I were floating in another dimension. The sound of the voices on the CD were loud and clear and it totally filled and surrounded and flowed through me in a way I can’t even describe... At first I was frightened, but soon decided that since I desired God to communicate with me in any way at any time, I’d better relax and listen. So I did (Checking the book, I found it had started around pg. 137 and went to 143). Eventually the CD ended and the last words, which seemed burned into my brain, were, “Many Masters have been sent to the Earth to demonstrate Eternal Truth. Others, such as John the Baptist, have been sent as messengers, telling of the Truth in glowing terms, speaking of God with unmistakable clarity. These special messengers have been gifted with extraordinary insight, and the very special power to see and receive Eternal Truth, plus the ability to communicate complex concepts in ways that can and will be understood by the masses. You are such a messenger.” Then there was sudden total silence and I was back in my room. In complete shock I got up and paced the floor in shock and completely in awe. I kept saying over and over, “My God, the magic is real!”